I’ve put blood, sweat, and tears into my work in the past. I’ve struggled. I’ve been overwhelmed with frustration. I’ve cried tears of joy when things sell. I’ve felt connected to my incredible clients and longed to see how their pieces are fitting into their new homes.
But I don’t know that I’ve ever felt a connection to my actual work. I don’t know that I’ve ever felt like I was creating a representation of me. That my hands were actually molding my heart, my soul, my existence. Until tonight.
Tonight, I cried with this girl. Maybe it’s because we’ve known each other for so long. She’s been hanging out in my office with her sisters for months and months. She’s become a constant, a comfort, a norm. But tonight, she underwent a transformation that punched me in the gut and tore me right open.
Tonight, she stopped pretending. She broke out of her polished existence and dared to be her true self. She showed all her flaws, her pain, her history, her scars. She showed her growth and evolution. And just as important, she showed her beauty despite it all. Her beauty beside it all. Her beauty because of it all.
This piece will not please the masses. She’s ragged and worn down. She’s rough and true and real. She’s turned off the filters and shown her skin...blemishes, wrinkles, bruises and all. She’s not a beauty queen, but fuck, she is real. She has lived. She has loved. She has fallen. She has risen. She’s far from perfect but she’s learning to shine through the imperfections and for the first time in her life, she’s learning to love herself. She’s learning to live without a constant string of apologies. She’s learning to find value in herself when she’s been told for decades that none existed. She’s gasping for air in a world where she’s been told she doesn’t belong. She’s standing tall when she’s been told to sit down. She’s learning to be.
And she’s terrified. But maybe, just maybe, there’s a little beauty in that, too. Maybe, just maybe, her scars will serve her well. Maybe, just maybe, all that pain was worth it. And maybe, just maybe, she’s exactly where she’s meant to be.